A Birthday Letter to Myself

Dear Erin,

I'm here to enlighten you today, on your 33rd Birthday. Let you in on a few things I want you to know. Remember me? I am the one you hear, soft and slow, always there in the back of your mind when the rest of your world is spinning so fast. I am the one talking to you on those days you're so busy you forget to pee. On those days when you are sad, or overwhelmed, a little lost or just plain tired. On those days that seem to roll over the top of you and you wind up on the couch at 10PM on auto-pilot. That's right. That's me. I knew you could always hear me. You fight to get to where I am and though sometimes you get caught up in figuring IT all out, you never forget I am here.

You make me laugh. Always second guessing yourself. The way you try to juggle all those balls you have in the air, often biting off more than you can chew, and never saying "NO." You struggle with defining your purpose and often wonder about the path you walk. It's time you just settle in to NOT having all the answers, and NOT knowing where it's all going. It's time you take my hand and let me lead the way. Because I know that someone bigger is in control, and together we'll be just fine. I'm sure you'll still be a major pain in the rear sometimes, with how stubborn you can be and how you always think you can do it better. But we'll make it through.

When the going gets tough, I will just remind you how much I love you. I love your drive, your faith, your sense of humor in the face of chaos. I love how you continually re-focus your perspective and try to pay attention to the details. I love your lists - you may be a bit OCD, the way you write things down you've already completed...just to have the pleasure of crossing them off! But they do help you get things done, so I love them. I love your ability to make friends, your honesty, and your need to try new recipes. I love your green thumb and the way you devour books. I love your eyes, your skin that never burns but always tans, and your heart.

I want you to be your best, so there are a few things I'm going to help you work on. Like taking time for yourself, putting the laundry away the same day you fold it, and getting more sleep! 2AM is not a healthy bedtime. But most of all I want to help you remember to live your life as if only LOVE matters. Because I know if you do that, your incessant questions will be answered. Your purpose, your path...everything will fall into place.

You have so much in your life. Don't ever forget the love you were blessed with at a very young age. A love that has been so fun and easy. He's sweet and he's hardworking and he still makes you blush. Don't forget the love that nearly exploded out of your heart when you held your first child. And when #2 and #3 came along, remember how you thought there was no more room in your heart? Don't forget you learned how big your love can grow. Defining your purpose. Finding your path. Oh, you silly girl! You are smarter than that. You don’t need definition or direction, you just need to remember again and again, every single day, this LOVE.

Now, here is my promise to you;

If you take my hand and let me lead the way, forgetting all the other petty things that seem to cloud your mind and steal your energy, I will remind you every single day that you are good, beautiful, and worthy. I will remind you that doing your best is great! I will remind you of your blessings and help you focus on love. If you listen to me when I remind you of these things, I promise I will find you those wings so you can fly.

Happiest of Birthdays, my dear.
What a year this is going to be.

Love, Erin