Sore Thumb

Ever wonder why dogs have icky, dirty teeth?

And don't wear jeans?

Well, I've figured it out.

It's because they don't have opposable thumbs. 

And when you can't use your thumb - brushing your teeth and buttoning your jeans is pretty much out of the question.

I know this because two weeks ago I hurt my thumb chasing after Duke. 

He was trying to steal our neighbor's jeans.

And his toothbrush.

No he wasn't.
Honestly, I can't really explain how it happened, because it is all a painful blur. I just know our 112lb dog got out and went snooping down the street. I found him in Grumpy Old Man Neighbor's garage.  As I tried to corner him and grab his collar - he thought it was a game and bolted around me - and I jammed my hand into Old Man Neighbor's work table instead of Duke. I also scraped up my face and my other arm on Old Man Neighbor's work bench and fell flat back on his garage floor. It would have been comical if I had caught this on tape. Maybe even profitable, and for sure Super Stardom Status earning, as AFV is very popular in this house. 

At the time, however, it was not comical. I stood up nauseous from the pain. I'm a fainter...and so for a split second I thought about sitting back down. But then I remembered I was in Grumpy Old Man Neighbor's garage. And I had just made quite a ruckus. I decided to wobble my way home rather than risk being found out. I looked at Duke and decided, at that point he could run away to Timbukto for all I cared and angrily told him as much. He promptly stuck his tail between his legs and followed me home. 

Back at the house, I realized I had really hurt my right thumb. It was already swelling and turning colors. I winced every time I touched it...but I could bend it, so I figured it wasn't broken. Just jammed up really bad. Maybe sprained. Queen Procrastinator here, popped some Advil and told myself it would be all better in a few days...I just had to tough it out.

Well, two weeks of many Advil and glasses of wine before bed later, I still couldn't really do anything with my thumb without wincing. And I'm right handed! So it was not only painful, but getting really annoying. By the end of the day, the pain would ache all the way up my arm. So, I finally made an appointment to have it x-rayed last Monday. The x-rays showed that not only had I broken my thumb, but I had torn the ligament away from the bone. When that happened, the ligament took tiny pieces of the broken bone with it. AWESOME. My doctor referred me to an Orthopedic Surgeon and told me to call him ASAP.

Wait. 

Surgery?

'Cause I hit my hand on Old Man Neighbor's work table?

Chasing after our dopey dog?

This can't be right.

I walked into my appointment with the Orthopedic Surgeon yesterday, fully expecting him to roll his eyes at me. Fully expecting him to tell me that I just needed to splint it for a few days. Fully expecting him to say "This is no big deal." After all, I'd been walking around for two weeks acting like this was NBD. It couldn't possibly need surgery.

Well....the Dr did roll his eyes at me a bit. But not because it was no big deal. More because he thought it was a VBD! Seems that since I had decided to limp along for two weeks with a broken thumb, scar tissue was starting to form around the broken pieces of bone and misaligned joint. If left like this, I was going to be be prone to more injuries, and the joint would forever wear with the bones rubbing against each other - which would equal constant pain and misuse which would lead to early arthritis. He recommended surgery immediately. Like....as in the very next day.

And I repeat. 

Surgery?

Cause I hit my hand on Old Man Neighbor's work table?

Chasing after our dopey dog?

This can't be right.

Oh, it's right!

And it's happening today.

And we're not talking a minor procedure here.

We're talking can't eat or drink all day, get knocked out, have pins drilled into my bones, wear a cast for FIVE WEEKS, do physical therapy kind of surgery.

So the moral of the story is folks...

Take your dog to the dentist.

And don't live next to Grumpy Old Man Neighbors.

Who have dangerous workbenches.

And when you hurt yourself...don't be a Queen Procrastinator.

Get thy self to a doctor!

I never realized how much you use your thumb until I couldn't.

Jean buttons and toothbrushes top the list. 

But opening sting cheese packets or bags of Goldfish is pretty damn near impossible as well.

Holding a blow dryer? Nope - not happening.

Writing anything? Hurts too much to grip the pen.

Typing anything? Either it takes forever...

orijustrefusetousethespacebarandyoucanreadblogpostslikethisforthenextfiveweeks.

I'm thinking this might be a fun time to let the girls blog for me. 

They LOVE any excuse to type on the computer right now.

So I think I'm going to dictate and they can type. 

Or maybe I'll just let have free reign.

Let them tell it like it really is around here.

Stay tuned!

Surgery is at 3:30 today.

I woke with a nervous stomach.

Not because of the surgery. Not because of being put under.

But because I knew I wasn't going to be able to drink any Diet Coke after 6AM.

Late afternoon surgery is not a good idea when you're caffeine addicted.

Just sayin.

I made a middle of the night run to Shirley's for "breakfast" to calm my nerves.

I'm thinking I need a better story to tell for the next five weeks than:

"Rumpelstiltskin Thumb due to Dopey Dog"

It sounds way too fairytale. Even for me. I need to Grimm it up a bit! My Dr. said they call this type of injury "Skier's Thumb" in the orthopedic world. Because crashing on mountainous, black diamond moguls while holding ski poles often results in a similar injury. But everyone I know pretty much knows I haven't been to the snow. And that I SUCK at skiing. I haven't been anywhere near a black diamond slope in over 15 years. Are you a story teller? Help me come up with a good one!