"Let us hold tightly without wavering to the HOPE we affirm for GOD can be trusted to keep his promises."
As I drove the kids to school this morning, we saw three flags at half mast. It got me choked up. This shouldn't be happening. The mourning of 6 year olds.
As the kids jumped out of the car and I blew them kisses goodbye, I realized that although I was very SAD, I wasn't fearful.
A couple months ago, a childhood friend was killed in a car crash. She was a mother of two and pregnant with her third. Her unborn baby died with her. Leaving her husband and toddler girls here on Earth.
6 years ago, one of my best friends was killed by a woman driving under the influence. She left her husband and 15mo old son behind.
Although these deaths were grown women with children of their own - they were both still somebody's child. And I know their parents. Their deaths rocked me. And their mothers have taught me....
As a parent - we are SO in love with our children. SO invested in our children. SO responsible for our children. And yet - we are not in control of their lives. We really have no power when it comes to how long they live or when they die.
All we can do is bless them while they are here. Be thankful we've been awarded the pleasure of guiding and protecting their perfect hearts. And pray for their SOULS.
Friday's events caused the lesson I've been forced to learn again and again over the past few years, to be driven home. AGAIN.
It would be so easy (on my heart) to put my kids in a bubble. To drive them everywhere myself, for life. To homeschool them, for life. To spoon feed them, for life. To hand pick their friends and prom dates and roommates, for life. But I know that, as much as I'd like to think the opposite, no bubble I create, no matter how big, will ever guarantee my children's safety.
Really shitty things happen. Cancer, and drunk drivers, and blown tires, and mentally ill gunmen. Life is ugly and messy and horribly NOT okay sometimes.
In order to survive this, as a parent who has three HEARTS walking around this world outside of my chest...I have to believe I am not in control. I have to picture my kids, every morning as I kiss them goodbye, being placed in HIS ARMS. I have to rest in the peace that they've asked HIM into their hearts. I have to believe they have a FATHER that loves them even more perfectly than I. Because in that - I know I can trust. In HIM, I know they are safe.
We live in an uncertain and broken world. As mothers and fathers, we have a choice of whether to live in fear or place our trust in God. Mentally, it's not an easy choice. But, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically - I really don't see any other way to stay afloat. If we want to keep from drowning as we navigate this terrifying, albeit precious sea called Parenthood...it's obvious what needs to be done.
I will never understand why things like this happen. There is no point in trying to understand it. Just in as much as there is no point in fearing it. It does NO GOOD. So, I will turn off the news. And I will not be afraid. But I WILL have faith that love always wins and I WILL be more determined than ever to make a difference. I will spread HOPE. For HE can be trusted to keep his promises.
For all the families who lost their angels on Friday, my heart aches. I pray for your broken hearts. I pray for your sadness and the anger that will be forever hard to let go of. May you feel how close HE is carrying you in this dark time. May you feel the love and support of a nation and may it bring you strength as you begin your long journey of healing. To teachers everywhere, I am thankful for the brave and selfless energy you pour into our (my) children everyday. I know how you laugh with my kids, play with my kids, teach my kids, inspire my kids, care for my kids, and love on my kids. You recreate the future everyday just by showing up and doing your job! I know you would stop at nothing to keep them safe.