Thursday, April 15, 2010

She's a BEAUT!

Do not judge.
As Wendy would say...
"The Holy Spirit Made Me Do It!"

My Girl/Blog Friend, Wendy, is hosting a
"Dirty Mini Van"
(or any sort of Mommy vehicle)
CONTEST.

I've got it...
In.The.Bag.
(Just Sayin')

For Reals.
On the outside...my DMV is a Prom Queen.
Black.
Glossy.
Gas Guzzling, Tinted Windowed, Oversized SoCal Awesomeness.

Complete with Personalized License Plates
(I've been told it reads "Mom Loves Threesomes")
Nice, Right?
So Me.

For those of us NON dyslexic...
my intention was for it to read
"Mom Loves THREE M's"
as in
Matt
Megan
& Molly
(ordered it pre-Munchie....
but I guess he could bump Matt if you really wanted to argue the point!)

Sadly so....
On the inside,
My DMV's a trashy Vegas Showgirl.
(TRASHY being the operative word!)

disclaimer
Mateo - please forgive me.
I know sometimes you hate how "open" I am to the world wide web.
But, I've always been taught that
"Honesty Is The Best Policy,"

And HONESTLY....my car is
EM.BAR.ASSSSSS.ING!
Scary so.
So here we go!

The Passenger Seat
We've got:
my purse
one of the girls' tshirts (inside out)
a pen
someone's phone number scribbled on the back of who knows what
random receipts
a half empty can of Monster
and rotten 2% milk
(from the drive thru donut shop we haven't visited in over TWO WEEKS!)


Foot of the passenger seat

We've got:
school art projects
class picture reminder
a box of kleenex
tic tac toe games


Behind the Driver's Seat

We've got:
used kleenex
(stuffed into the back seat pocket right next to the...)
"Reproductive Photographic Encyclopedia"
(don't ask)
a raped and pillaged diaper bag
one purple velour sweatshirt
Wyatt's Nick & Nora flannel cowboy jammies

What?
You don't dress your kids on the fly?
In between Kindergarten and preschool drop off?
While they eat cereal out of ziploc baggies in the back seat?
Whatevs.
That's how I roll.

I also roll with:

A Dog leash (complete with purple carabiner) dangling from the drycleaning hook.
That's what that thing is called, right?
A "Drycleaning Hook"?
What do you call it?
Don't lie...
There is no other use for it!

Behind the passenger seat

We've got:
a Broncos blanket
more art projects
another inside out tshirt
yesterday's bagel pieces
and
3 pairs of Crocks
(cepts' there is only the right shoe in 2 of the 3 pairs)
Skip To My Lou.

So far my DMV is Scary! Right?....
At least my kids are Modelicious!
YUM.
Child Cannibalism is underrated.




Moving on....
Just for fun, I thought I 'd throw in random stuff I have no idea how to classify.
Other than:
"Sticky"
"Smelly"
"Shiny"
"Sorta looks like regurgitated rice my toddler tried to clean up with wipes...."


AND
More "Shiny Happy Sticky"


Almost done.
My second to last FAVORITE picture....
(Again....Don't Judge)
The "Trunk" 

What?
You don't drive around town with a CASE of beer next to your double stroller?
Whatevs.
I was social chair of my sorority.
It's LIKE, in my blood.
Or at least my secret handshake.
KKG.

What the HECK is the golf ball for?
I dont know.
We don't play golf.
Except for like 2 times a year.
When someone else pays the green fees.
So yeah.
Just in case.
I roll with balls.

Finally...
My ALL TIME FAVORITE PART
of my DMV....
The Bringing Up Burns "Porta Potty"
.
aka - a used McDonald's cup saved in my middle console
complete with a package of wipes.
Cause when I already have 4 out of 6 kids buckled in
but # 5 needs to pee...
Momma AIN'T gettin' everyone out to hit up the real Restroom!

Go visit Wendy's blog and try not to laugh.
Or be mortified.
Then VOTE in the DMV contest!
If there's a girl who rolls with a dirtier car than me...please vote for HER!
She DESERVES to win!

BUT...
Rubber Chickens Complete Me.

Just sayin'

14 comments:

LauraC said...

I am LOVING reading everyone's entries. I will definitely vote for you for the ghetto porta potty.

The other thing this contest has made me consider is what neat freaks Jon and I are. Visual clutter drains us both so our house is always picked up and our cars are always picked up. In my (anal) defense, the boys are in my car a total of 4 miles per day - 2 per pick up and 2 per drop off. Hard to get messy then!

TDM Wendy said...

When I read blogs I usually do not laugh out loud. Very rare. This post? Did me in. I was cracking up at this line:
"What?
You don't drive around town with a CASE of beer next to your double stroller?
Whatevs."

There is stiff competition this year. I am still not sure who I will vote for, but I sure do love you and your ride. And your license plate.

mel @ the larson lingo said...

Nice Work Erin!!!! Your car makes me so proud! :)

Aubs said...

Girl...i freakin' LOVE you! there just isn't much more to say...you are the best and no amount of dirty car will ever change it. just makes me love you that much more! HUGS! =)

love said...

this?

one of my favorite posts ever.

hilarious! you know that ostrich thing we do? this is totally what mine looks like if i let it go a couple days. except i have a real kid's potty w/ wipes. i'm kinda lovin the ghetto port-a-potty. much less room.

Cameron said...

Love posted this on Twitter so I had to stop by to see the mess... but then I just had to say... GO KKG! :) I just got elected Registrar for our local alum group, lol. :)

Ashley said...

hahaha! Love the beer...so funny!!! And the "porta potty" is genius... think I'll be stealing that idea :)

Julie {Angry Julie Monday} said...

You are soooo "Newport" and my people!

These pictures make me giggle a little, ok a lot!

The Perfect Trio said...

you are so gettin' my vote!!! the beer next to the double stroller takes the cake...and aren't there open container laws in your state??? LOL

haleyv6 said...

LOVE LOVE LOVE the honesty in this competition...I don't even know if I am brave enough to show mine :)

Anonymous said...

Erin! I miss seeing you but still keep up with your blog- I'm voting for you for sure! I almost peed my pants reading your post! xo Keri Olson

Marta @ Haus of Girls said...

in my book, you win!!!!!!!!!!!!
and holla for representin' with soem Lou brewed BUD LIGHT! love you even more now. the end.

Joanna said...

Dude. THAT was funny. You're voice was so strong in this post.

"Miss" Anita said...

Congratulations on winning! We WILL have to take a road trip together... and will need the McDonald's Porta Potty if we drink all that beer! LOL!

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