Making Room

For most of my adult life, I’ve been the memory maker. The eldest daughter. The family host. The one who holds traditions, celebrations, and everyone’s comfort in her hands. I’ve always loved being a home that feels warm, full, and welcoming. I take pride in being the one who creates the place where family, friends and neighbors gather and feel loved! 

But somewhere along the way, (with a stay at home pandemic thrown in for fun!) the feeling of "fullness" became more about stuff than sentimentality. Every inch had quietly been taken over by clutter. Even with the two girls moving out! I would still find myself "shuffling the shit" from room to room or counter to counter or bed top to bed side, depending on who, what, when was occurring in our home. And it wasn't just things cluttering up my "space"...it was also too many decisions, too much overwhelm and the constant nagging feeling that my home (and my peace!) required managing instead of enjoying.

At the end of his past holiday season, and with the added boost of having my two girls home for moral support, I finally decided with conviction that I had had ENOUGH. I realized I wanted ( I needed!) my space to reflect the next chapter I’m building now. I wanted a home that still felt inviting and warm, but I didn't want it at the expense of my sanity. I wanted a home that felt calm and was easy to care for while still allowing for me to be creative. I wanted a home that protected my energy and focus while still allowing for me to celebrate. 

Something had to give. Which meant that many somethings had to be given away. And that required I make a HUGE mindset shift before I filled a single donation bag. Because I had some "special feelings" that had contributed to the clutter over the years. (SHOCKER!) Have you ever tried to declutter and felt instantly overwhelmed? Lazy? Sentimental? Scared? All of those were me. I had to face these special feelings for what they really were - BLOCKERS - and meet them head on, rather than shelving them for another day along with all the other stuff. 

The “what if I need this someday?”
The “but this was expensive.”
The “I should keep it just in case.”

The "that was so fun, I don't want to forget it."  

That voice was LOUD and she used to send me straight into decision paralysis. I had to learn to stop telling myself I was “getting rid of things.” Instead, I had to reframe my thoughts to be those of MAKING ROOM. 

Room for ease.
Room for creativity.
Room for rest.
Room for intentional living.

I wasn't decluttering my life...I was curating a future. One designed around what I’d already decided mattered to me most. I still got stuck quite a few times, but having a couple "Mindset Mantras" (thanks, ChatGPT!) helped me find and maintain momentum as I was making changes. 

Keeping something just because I already spent money on it lets past decisions control my future peace.

And the one that truly set me free:

 Memories do not live within things. My home is not a storage unit for sunk costs. 

Once I truly understood that the money was already gone, and the memories forever remembered, whether I kept the item or not, I finally felt free to choose peace over piles. Free to choose space over stuff.

I had intended to start small. Instead of organizing everything at once, I was going to focus on creating empty space first, and just tackle one room rather than the whole house. But who are we kidding? I am nothing if not an over-achieving, star charting, list crossing, eldest daughter. And once I got that first thrill of an intentionally clean and organized area - it was off to the races! Over the course of a week, the girls and I filled Matt's Yukon a dozen times. Multiple trips to Goodwill. Multiple trips to the dumpsters at work. The process was little maniac (just like me) so I kept to a few "rules" that made my decision process easier as well. 

• If I hadn't used, worn or needed it in the last 12 months - it went. 
• If it didn't fit me (or them) right now, today - it went. 
• If it was too kitschy, or too seasonally focused - it went. 
• If I could borrow, rent or replace it for under $50 - it went.
• If it was broken or needing repair that I wouldn't get to within the next 30 days - it went.
• If it was wood, glass or white - I kept it. 
• If I could use it for more than 3 "events" a year - I kept it

Every bedroom, every closet, every cupboard, every drawer. Under every bed. Behind each couch. On top of every shelf. I purged and organized them all. Every holiday box of decor. All my entertaining ish - the platters and vases and cake stands et al. All of my linens. All of my china. All of my craft supplies. It's all been gone through with intention. I can tell you exactly what is on the right hand side of the third shelf in the hallway middle closet and why I kept it! 

(you know shit was getting real when these were put in the trash!) 

What surprised me was how quickly the guilt over getting rid of "good things" left me. I think because within the giving away, I was gaining even more. Clarity, energy, creativity...all of it increased the more I purged. And my home was once again becoming one that I could enjoy rather than be another thing that added to the chaos.  

Which brings me to today. The New Year has proven to be the best I've felt emotionally and mentally in a looooonnnng time. The desire, energy and mental bandwidth to get back to things like blogging and start new things like Fork and Flair has been such an incredible BOOST! This month was the first time I truly felt the reward of all that inner and outer clearing.

I've been able to maintain a nightly reset that takes less than 30 minutes and leaves the entire house clean. Laundry hasn't piled up because it is easily put away. I have energy and desire at night to enjoy cooking dinner and time to sit down to read. January was a book-a-week pace. I traveled and UNPACKED THE SAME DAY I returned. Matt said he thinks that was the first time in 30 years of being together! The sweet peas were planted in January when usually I am scrambling to get them in the ground by my birthday, late March. We pulled the trigger on a new car for me and I felt ZERO guilt (My Volvo was a 2006) or "imposter syndrome feels" knowing I will keep it clean and care for it like it's a newborn baby. This week, I decorated for a season in under an hour, without pulling bins apart, without creating messes I’d dread cleaning up later, and without feeling overwhelmed or just buying more new stuff cause I could find (or get to!) the old.

This is the balance I’ve been craving in this next chapter of life.

I haven’t lost my love for details. I haven’t stopped being the hostess or memory maker. I’ve simply made room for it to feel and occur easier. I was so worried that getting rid of stuff would hinder my ability to celebrate or dim the things about our home that made it MINE. But to the contrary, I feel more at home than ever. Decluttering didn’t take away my personality, it gave it room to breathe again and the space to shine.

Because now, everything has a home. Instead of just adding more, I am able to layer intentionally with the few "February" items I kept, not just because they were red, pink, or Valentine related, but because they truly bring me joy! 

My Ikat table runner and the ceramic hearts each kid made in first grade. A few brightly ruffled pillow cases and a bunting - because I might be organized and intentional now, but I'm still not a minimalist! A lush carnation centerpiece, I had fun making myself, in the same white pedestal that sits on the table in all seasons. And simple white cloth napkins - which past me would have considered boring and blasé. But new me sees as neutral and functional while still able to be festive.

Midlife motherhood is teaching me that every new season asks us to release something in order to receive something better. For me, the most recent lesson has been about letting go of excess to gain peace. Letting go of overwhelm to gain joy. Letting go of “just in case” to gain ease. Beautifully, magically, joyously - all of that letting go has left plenty of room for more creating and celebrating! More room for me. 

Love and ever ALWAYS a Diet Coke in hand,
Erin