Extraordinary

“Maybe we're all like that with our mothers. They seem ordinary until one day they're extraordinary.” 
― Lisa See, Shanghai Girls

Happiest Birthday to the most extraordinary woman I know! I love you, Mom. 

An At Last Love

You smiled, you smiled

Oh and then the spell was cast

And here we are in Heaven

For you are mine

OK.....aren't my Mom and Dad so cute??!!

These two have been married

THIRTY EIGHT YEARS today!

There are a lot of things I can say about that. 

Like....

WOW.

You're rad. 

Thank you.

I want to be you.

I'm sure it wasn't easy.

I hope it's been fun.

You make it look fun.

You can sustain. 

I know you're comfortable with the pain.

Hold on for one more day.

Bwhahahahahahahahahaha!!!

I'm just kidding. 

(my parents get my crazy. they've known me most my life.)

Happy Anniversary M&D. 

You two have taught me so much about love and marriage and what it means to be a partner for life. I am blessed and honored to have you as an example, to call you mine, and to be able to celebrate with you today! Here's to many more years of love and crazy along side your best friend. I love you more than I can say or write or blog or sing.

Yours Truly,

Your first and most favorite child

Sorry I'm So Psycho

Dear Megan,

Today you are six! I say this with excitement, but also with disbelief. I understand that another year has gone by. I can see the events and milestones in my head. So I know how you got here. But I still remember the day you were born like it were yesterday. I still gather you up every so often and sigh. I see your longs legs dangle down almost to the floor and a flash of how you used fit just so in the crook of my arm takes me off guard.

"Who are you?" I ask.
"What have you done with my baby Megan?"
"Mom!" you groan, rolling your eyes and pushing up off my lap and out of my arms.

Those rolling eyes of yours. That exasperated tone in your voice. Those are new this past year. All of a sudden it has hit me, our dynamic has changed. Me and You. Mom and Daughter. I know you still think I hung the moon. I've got a little more time before that runs out. But I can see now, that you also think I'm a little bit crazy.

Growing up, I often thought my Mother was crazy too. She couldn't fall asleep until we were all home and tucked in. She insisted we eat breakfast before we left the house. She kept a box on the top shelf of her medicine cabinet full of tiny teeth. She'd turn off the TV and tell us "only boring people get bored - go play." She never let me watch Gremlins or Friday the 13th. Only after she saw it first, and a discussion was had on abortion, did Dirty Dancing get okay'd.

I can remember things my Mother said that left me contemplating her grasp on reality. Things like "Be sure you're wearing clean underwear before leaving the house!" or "This hurts me more than it hurts you!" or "If you don't practice good manners at home, how will you know how to act when you grow up and go on a date?" or "Nothing good happens after midnight." or (my all time favorite) "I'd rather you rub dog crap on your face than smoke cigarettes." WHAT?! Only a bonafide cuckoo could say such things with absolute sincerity.

As a teen, I can remember using the words irrational, invasive, unstable, delusional, and paranoid to describe her actions. She found my diary and read it...and saw nothing wrong with that! She made it a point to know my friends (and their parents) very well. She never once budged on curfew...not even for my Senior dance. She made boys come inside and sit down before we left on a date. Anyone who called after 9PM, was politely informed of their rudeness and hung up on. She actually verified the information I gave her about my whereabouts. And once, just to bust me in what she knew was a lie, drove to a party in her bathrobe and slippers and broke it up!

I can even remember considering my Mother had multiple personalities. She was, after all, the first to point out my faults, but also the first to champion my defense. She would ground me for a week and send me fuming to my room. An hour later she'd knock on my door and invite me to frozen yogurt and pedicures. When I asked for things like a car, a phone line, or an international Senior trip, she'd rant and rave about counting blessings and insatiability. A day later she'd be making it happen, and often bigger and better than I had hoped for. What sane person acts like this? Whose team was she on, anyhow?

Yes, Megan. For a long time I was convinced my Mother was completely off her rocker. I didn't know why or how she got this way. I just knew I would NEVER be like her!

Then, six years ago today (I can tell you precisely it was at 10:26am) my Mother ceased being crazy.

Six years ago today, every annoying, invasive, embarrassing, off the wall, delusional thing she ever did finally made sense. Perfect, simple, beautiful, overwhelmingly obvious sense.

Because Six years ago today, I became a mother. And at 10:26am the doctor set you in my arms.

One look in your eyes and I realized my poor Mother never had a chance. It wasn't that she was crazy, she just couldn't help herself. All bets were off when it came to the love of a Mother. One grasp of your teeny tiny fingers and I felt just how big my love could be and yet still feel too small at the same time.

It was the singular most exhilarating and terrifying feeling all at once.

Six years later, I still get that feeling every once in awhile and it takes my breath away. Literally.

It usually happens when you are performing the most mundane of tasks. I look over at you and realize, in your own, quiet, graceful way - you embody every single beautiful hope I have ever held. For me. For you. For this world. A lump catches in my throat and I bite my lip in order not to tear up. You look at me, oblivious to my epiphany, smile innocently and go on.

I'm left with the weight of my awareness in that moment. I'm crazy in love with you. The lengths I will go to to ensure your health and happiness are boundless. Nothing else matters much if I fail at this. Being your Mother. Bringing you up. Of all the balls I try to juggle, this is the one I can not drop. I'm further weighed down knowing, not only am I comically under qualified for this job, I am also handicapped with emotion. Love clouds my every move, my every word, my every thought when it comes to you.

In the six years I've been playing this game, I've come to know this weight is really just my desire to give you my best. Wanting to step up to this plate called Motherhood and hit a Grand Slam (perhaps in my case, I could only hit a triple!) What I have also come to know however, is to let that weight go. To keep the expectations I have for myself as a mother in check. To continually re-evaluate (and lower) the bar I measure myself by. An awesome batting average is somewhere in the vicinity of .400, right? That means 6 out of 10 times a trained, naturally talented, paid PROFESSIONAL totally misses the ball! In the past six years, I've come to know that even at my best, I'm going to strike out some of the time. And that's just fine.

I can admit, I've made mistakes. You rolled off the bed more than once. As an infant, I put you to sleep atop a feather pillow. You didn't get your 18 month immunizations until you were almost 2. Once I let you sit on the ironing board when I was ironing...you can guess what happened. I've been late to preschool pick-up, leaving you to be the last, lonely, forlorn kid in class. There have been tantrums and time outs, punishments and potty mouths (mostly mine, not yours!) I let you watch SpongeBob even after I heard him call Squidworth "Buttface" and you giggle. I fed you donuts from the drive thru for breakfast because I blogged instead of scrambling an egg. Can you remember the last time you washed your hair? Neither can I. You hate doing it, and I don't make you. I have been making you finish your milk the past 6 months despite your complaints. Last week we learned you're Lactose intolerant. Ugh. Loser Mom.

So, Megan my love, I'm here to apologize in advance for all the strike outs I'm going to make as your Mother. There are sure to be many more to come. And I'm here to apologize in advance for all the crazy things I am going to do. I'm going to hover, interject, snoop, persuade, guilt, worry, pester, and be all together over the top emotional in regards to any major infraction or minor milestone you complete (I have a great example to follow, remember? You know her. Her name is Grammie.)

My hope is one day you'll understand everything I do is fueled by my HUGE love for you and my HUGE desire to give you the best (and the knowledge I'm under qualified and handicapped and must make up for that somehow!) My hope is one day you'll see that amidst all my mistakes and craziness, is a woman who can't help herself. A woman who, despite feeling like she was born to do this, still has to second guess, learn as she goes, and wing it with little success. A woman who is so invested in your life, your happiness, and your dreams, that she sometimes loses herself. A woman who, by becoming a Mother, found herself (and discovered she was a lunatic...just EXACTLY like her Mother!)

Happiest of Birthdays my Megan Juhl. My biggest wish came true the day you were born. Thank you for loving me, making me laugh every day, giving me purpose, focusing my perspective, and putting up with my photo sessions. Thank you for making my life more beautiful, more happy, and more FUN! Most of all, thank you for being my daily reminder that being crazy and messing up is exactly what I am supposed to be doing!

Love,
Your Psycho Mommy

PS - I can't wait till September 23rd!! Can you? We are going to have so much fun. It's hard to tell who's more excited. I think it's you.

But if a certain JB shows up to sing a duet...it will for sure be me!

Moshi Moshi!

We took the kids to sushi Saturday night. Our girls LOVE Sushi. Molly eats almost as much as Matt. Tuna rolls, California rolls, Cajun rolls, Philly rolls, salmon, yellowtail, albacore, tempura, teriyaki chicken, edamame, rice, miso, cucumber salad, soy sauce and wasabe...you name it - she LOVES it! She was jumping up and down when we told her we were going. Wyatt has been to sushi before, but not since he has been able to eat it himself. So Saturday was the first time I let him try it all out. I'm thinking maybe he likes it as much as his sister!

Some updates:
So the silly football scenario where 5 teams tie for first place HAPPENED! And Newport came in 5th in the draw. They are league champs, FIRST PLACE, but don't get to go to playoffs. It's so sad for the kids. Matt is rightfully bummed.

Mom was well enough for her LAST CHEMO last Friday!! YAY! Now some radiation and then treatment should be done. She is excited. Hopefully she'll have some hair by Kate's wedding!

Our sweet GG is sick. She is having heart surgery this morning to replace one of her aortic valves. Then, in a few weeks, when she is strong enough, she'll have kidney surgery to remove a tumor the Drs. just found last week. Please keep her in your prayers.

Today I am Thankful for my girls' teachers. Every morning they are greeted at their classroom door with warm smiles and big hugs. They both love school and this makes Matt and I so happy! Miss Lynn, Miss Sonia, Miss Pachi, and Miss Courtney fill our children with praise, love, knowledge, fun and the Lord. Thank You God for our teachers!

Stream of Consciousness

Matt's team won. League play is done. Playoffs begin. It all comes down to how 2 other teams fare tonight. 5 teams could be tied for first place - which means someone wouldn't even go to the playoffs who rightly could've been #1 - all because of a coin toss. Who figures all this stuff out anyhow?

Speaking of husbands and stuff...Do you read c jane? If not, you should. She is freaking hilarious. Her post about her husband's stuff...CLASSIC. She also recently posted about Motherhood and Cannibalism. I can so relate.

Wyatt got his first pair of shoes. Vans. They are SO CUTE! I can barely Velcro them shut over his pudgy little feet. But that's what makes them so cute. That and the way he toddles around on them with such purpose! I could eat that kid right up.

Speaking of eating and children (and eating your children)...Top Chef New York has begun. I don't know who's more excited, me or Megs.

Reality TV...Do you watch Survivor? I want Bob to win. Anyone who fashions their buff into a bow tie is a Rock Star in my book.

My Mom loves Survivor. I've threatened to get her a buff for Christmas the last 3 years in a row. Her last chemo should be today, as long as she's healthy enough to get it. Cross your fingers! She will be a SURVIVOR!

Chemo makes you barf. In the past week I've been barfed on by 4 different children. No joke. Don't laugh. Even tho I did. But only because if I didn't, I would have cried.

Speaking of crying - I had the kids do a photo session with Kip Roof in hopes of getting a good shot for Daddy for his bday. Wyatt wasn't so happy with the group shot (We were talking about crying, remember?) He warmed up towards the end so that Kip was able to get some good solo ones of him from afar. My little girls were posing fools and I have about 100 great photos of the two of them. Here are some of my favs.

That's it. My consciousness is shot. Wonder why? It's only 1:58AM! Happy Friday! Good night.

Pure Joy

The final edited images from our session with Tonya Joy came in the mail yesterday. Bless her heart! She was so patient with me and my busy self - taking months to make my final choices. I couldn't be happier with the end result. She captured our children so beautifully. And the ones of our 4 generations turned out great too! Here are a few for you to enjoy.

I am saving some of my most favorites of the kids...I think we will use them for our Christmas card. The only one who's changed is Wyatt - and even then it's just a couple more teeth and a little more hair. The images are just too perfect not to share with everyone we know!

Tonya has decided to put her professional camera up on the shelf for a few months as she grows her fourth precious little one. I admire a woman who knows her limits and is proud of her priorities. Her 3 girlie girls are so lucky to have such a talented mother who puts them first and makes them her greatest passion. I am lucky to have been blessed with her gift of photography while she was working! Hopefully this new little one on the way will be a saint and she'll be back behind the lens soon! Till then - you can still enjoy her photography, talent, and beautiful children here! Thank You Tonya Joy - I love, love, love what you have given me.

Flower Power

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."
- Leo F. Buscaglia

One of my Mom's girlfriends, Karen, sent out an email earlier this week letting friends and family know that Thursday was my Mom's birthday. Karen said she would be putting a vase and a box on my mom's front porch early in the morning - and if they wanted, for people to stop by with ONE flower and a birthday wish for Susan.

I forwarded the email on to some others, and let them know that if they couldn't get to my Mom's house on Thursday, but still wanted to send her a birthday wish, to email me their thoughts and I would attach them to a flower and add it to the vase.

Since this is the week following her chemo, Mom is physically pretty low. Tired, sick, dehydrated, and fighting off every little germ. But by the end of her Birthday - these had certainly worked their magic!

So many people came by the house, she needed 5 vases to hold all the individual flowers!

And so many people emailed me their wishes, I had to go back to the flower shop for more buds!

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You to everyone who took time out of their day to honor my Mother. The floral manifestation of your love is truly awesome! And to Karen, who started this ball rolling. What a special friend you are.

I made White Chicken Enchiladas, Spanish Rice, Pinto Beans and a Carrot Cake and took it all over to my parent's house for dinner. The girls, of course, had to help Grammie blow out her candles for the celebration to be complete!
Love you Momma...and apparently, I am not the only one! I know you are embarrassed by all this attention - but you deserve it. And I know you would be the first to do the same for any of your friends. I am so glad you had a Happy Day!

Happy Birthday Mom!

MOTHER. Happy Birthday. Today is your day. In a year full of trials and turmoil, let today be one of frivolities and fun. You are the WOman. In a world full of Parises and Kims, let your true beauty shine on all of them. Let them see that love, faith, strength, fight, and sacrifice is breathtaking. Let the world be inspired. By your laugh in the face of death. By your fortitude in the face of adversity. By your beauty in the face of hairlessness. Oh, MOTHER! What is more glorious than you? You are my daily inspiration. You did this. You ROCKED this! One more than me. Motherdom. I hope to foster the friendship we share with all of my children. I hope they look up to me as I do to you. I hope to have all the answers you gave to me. (And I hope they listen!) I hope I can always be EVERYTHING to them as you are to me. Ready to lend a hand, a checkbook, a meal, a heart, a bed, a gas tank, a soul. Always ready to lend ME. Mom, where do I start? Where do I end? I can't put into words what I want to say. What I want you to know, TODAY, on your day...is that I am ME because of YOU. And because of you, I LOVE ME! Happiest of Birthdays to the most Absolutely Fabulous Woman I know. I love you Mother. I love you so much!

Lending HOPE a Hand

And 78 "Leggs" too!
By Sunday morning, "Susan Gregg's Leggs" was 78 members strong!! 60 of whom made it to the Race. The morning was busy and fun and I think very encouraging to my Mom!
She has 12 pink necklaces because that is how many years she has been a "Survivor!"My Dad and Mom. She calls him her "Co-Survivor." They've been married 33 years. True Love.
My Mom is such an inspiration to me. Before, during, and after cancer. We talk daily, and see each other almost as often. I am so blessed to have her 2 blocks away. She is always willing to go the extra mile for her friends and family. When I grow up, I want to be just like her!
The Burns Family
Uncle Andy and Aunt Adrie (and Megan, Molly & Vivi) with Adrie's Mom, Diane - who is also a Breast Cancer Survivor.
My Mom with some of her closest friends. Laurel, Jodi, Jiffy and Judy.
Uncle TJ and Erin ran both with the girls in the Fun Run and in their own 5K!
These 3 are Best Friends and Semi-Pro Racers! Remember the PCRF Run? Megan, Vivian, and Molly were SO excited for their race.
And seriously RAN about 90% of their 1K Fun Run. A lot of which was uphill. I was very impressed! Vivi's parents, Eric and Suzanne are behind them. Along with TJ, Erin, and Daddy with Wyatt in the jogger.
There were over 45,000 people registered for the race. They announced when we were running that over 3 million dollars had been raised already!! Feel the Love.
After the Fun Run, Daddy ran in the 5K pushing Megan and Molly in the jogger.
I stayed behind at the tailgate because our littlest member was pooped! I think this was my Mom's favorite part of the morning.

To Everyone who helped make Susan Gregg's Leggs a success - I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Family...friends...family of friends...friends of family. Near, Far, and Virtual. The list goes on and on. I was overwhelmed by the support we received! We are truly blessed to have each and everyone of you in our lives. This is what life - and love - is all about. It doesn't get much better than this! God Bless You! Donations can be made in our team name until October 17th. Just click the pink "Race for the Cure" button at the top right of the blog and then select "General Team Donation."

Believe it or not - considering how eventful the Race was....we have an even BIGGER family event to share with you that happened this weekend too! But for that news...you'll have to check back tomorrow.

Fight Like A Girl!

** This is a "Sticky Post" that will stay at the top of the Blog until Race Day. Please scroll down to see current posts! Thanks. **

"Susan Gregg's Leggs" is over 70 members strong! Almost TRIPLE the goal I set at the beginning. To date, we have raised over $3000 for Breast Cancer research. You can still join our team by clicking the pink "Race for the Cure" button to the right. Once on the team page, click "Join Our Team" at the top and follow the steps. Donations can be made all the way until mid October in Susan Gregg's name. Click the pink "Race for the Cure" button to the right and then select "General Team Donation" on our team page. Thanks again for all your support! The response to the team has been both encouraging and heartwarming. It's so great for my Mom to "Feel the Love!"

The time has come! Please join my family in celebrating our Mom and her fighting spirit as she battles Breast Cancer for the second time. Come race with us on Sunday, September 28th in the Susan G. Koman Race for the Cure - Orange County! Let's transform how the world talks about and treats this disease, and help turn millions of breast cancer patients into breast cancer survivors! If each Team member raises just $100 – The OC Race for the Cure has the potential to raise more than $2 million in pledge funds! At $100 per mammogram, imagine how may lives we could touch...

I have created a team in my Mom's honor named "Susan Gregg's Leggs" and have set goals of raising at least $2500 and a team of 25 members.

There is something for everyone on Race Day. The events begin at 7:30AM at the Pacific Life Building in Fashion Island (700 Newport Center Drive, NB 92660). I will be running in the Women's 5K and the kids are going to participate in the 1K Fun Run. Your registration fee includes a Team T-shirt and bib # that I will distribute before the race. We are also planning on having a tailgate area where we can all meet for pictures, refreshments, and motivation. Mom plans on being in the tailgate area the morning of the race, her health permitting.

If you can't make it on Race Day, you can still be a part of Team "Susan Gregg's Leggs!" You can register to be a "Sleeping In" participant and your team T-shirt and bib# will be mailed to you or you can choose to make a donation in Susan Gregg's name on the Team's web page. Either way, you will be helping us reach our goals!

I will be sending out more information as the event draws near. Let me know if you have any questions!

Team Registration Deadline is September 12th, so make a difference today! Click the "Race for the Cure" icon at the top of the blog to go to Team "Susan Gregg's Leggs" Web page. Register for the Race, make a donation...every little bit helps! Thank You in advance for all your support!


Click Here to Donate


Click Here to Donate

Feel The Love

September 17th UPDATE!

Look at the graphic created and donated by family friend Suzanne Vallely! Suzanne is the girls swimwear designer for Volcom. They have generously donated T-shirts with the above graphic on them for all team members who will be there on Race Day! Yes - those are Susan Gregg's Leggs! Complete with Shamrock ankle tattoo. Too Cute! A heartfelt Thank You goes out to Suzanne and Volcom! We can feel the Love. Now go get yourself a Volcom bikini!

Grammie Caillou

About a year ago, Megan and Molly were hooked on the PBS cartoon Caillou. It's about the adventures of a 4 year old little boy. Molly thought it was hysterical that Caillou was bald. Every time we would watch it, she would say in her little 2 year old voice "Are you kidding me, Caillou? You don't have any hair!" This saying took on a life of it's own in our family. Anytime we couldn't believe something, we would say "Are you kidding me, Caillou?!" My Dad and brother Andy (who work together) have even been known to use it at the office!

This past week, Molly has discovered that we have someone in our family who bears a striking resemblance to Caillou these days. Grammie Susan, bald and beautiful!

Whenever we visit my Mom, Molly always says to her now "Are you kidding me Grammie? You don't have any hair!" It is always good for a laugh. Here is Molly rubbing sunscreen on Grammie's head. Can't get that new skin sunburned!!

Mom is through her 2nd chemo treatment and doing pretty well. She's staying positive - even when it kicks her butt - and that is so inspirational to me. Even when she is beyond tired, she is always up for a visit from the kids and finds the energy to read them stories, make them snacks, and answer all their questions. If there is a silver lining to my mom having to go thru this again, perhaps it is what my children are learning from the experience. We pray for Grammie's healing every day and they see her continued strength, faith, and cheerfulness in the face of adversity. For that I am thankful. I love you Mom!

Updates

It is so hard to blog these days. Our computer is on the tiniest counter in the hallway. One I have to stand at to use. Lord, grant me a Laptop!!

But I must fill you in on some developments many of you have been asking about!

First - Janene Johns was sentenced to 6 years for the death of Candace. The sentencing was hard and emotional to be at, but I am glad I went. I feel it offered Candace's husband and family some peace and closure as they were able to speak to Johns for the first time since the accident. As well, there was home video played of Candace interacting with Wade and playing with Owen. It felt good to hear her voice. Especially her boisterous laugh - when she was making fun of Wade. That sound made me laugh out loud and brought tears to my eyes all at the same time

I went that morning, ready to forgive. Ready to see Johns with compassionate and understanding eyes. Ready to receive her words with an open heart and open to moving on. But I left disappointed. While she did apologize for Candace's death, she never owned her responsibility in it. She depersonalized the event - calling Candace's death a "hole she ripped in the fabric of the universe." And even went so far as to say she "did not act willfully or irresponsibly" the day of the accident. This really bothered me. It left me feeling that she was not a good person who made a horrible mistake, but rather an ugly, selfish one who is still blaming everything but herself. I wonder if years in jail with nothing but her thoughts will change anything for her? You can watch what was on the local news that night by clicking here.

Second - preliminary results of Mom's tests last week came back "good." While that still leaves a lot of questions unanswered - that's all the update she has been given over the phone from a nurse. She has an appt. with her oncologist at the end of the week. Hopefully he will explain in detail what "good" means, and begin treatment.

Third - Megan and I leave for Chicago on Saturday. She is over the moon EXCITED! So I am busy doing laundry, packing, and getting everything around here ready for me to be gone for 4 days. I am sure all will go on just fine without me and my lists... but I like to obsess anyway! I hope to answer the rest of the Hot Seat questions before I leave. Thanks to everyone who has been checking in on me!

Quick Updates

Frist - Mom is out of surgery and doing well. While she is still in some pain, she was sitting up today and asking for Starbucks! So that has to be a good sign. The Drs. say she can come home tomorrow -which seems offly soon to me - but she's just going to have to learn to let others do for her! I took the kids to see her at the hospital this morning and on the way, Molly asked me "Mom, did Grammie have a baby?!" which cracked me up. She thinks if you go to the hospital - it must be to have a baby! So we had a very simple, but truthful talk about all that Grammie has and is going to go thru. Megan thought it was hysterical that there is medicine that can make your hair fall out. She said "Grammie can wear my Dee Dee Doodle wig!" THAT I would love to see!



Second - Closing arguments should begin on Monday in Candace's trial. I pray for a swift and just verdict to happen once deliberation begins. I am not prepared to face a day that doesn't bring what we all have been waiting for for the past 21 months. Candace's son turned 3 last week. I realized he has been alive longer without her than he was alive with her, and that made me cry.


Finally - Get yourself over to Tonya's Blog!! A sneak peak of some of the pictures she took of us on Thursday are up - and they are fabulous! I especially love the one of just my Mom. My sister is so amazingly beautiful, it blows me away. The one of her and Paul is just gorgeous! And of course, I may be a little biased - but those have to be 3 of the best looking kids ever!! Anyway - go see!! Be sure to leave a comment and let Tonya know what an awesome gift she has. What she wrote about our family in her post was very sweet, telling, and true as well. Thank you Tonya for your friendship. I was so happy to get to meet you!

Happy Mother's Day!

I have had a fabulous Mother's Day spent with all my loved ones. We had a relaxing bay cruise on the boat with Matt's parents and then a yummy dinner cooked by Matt, my dad and brothers back at my parents' house in the evening. I think what I am most aware of today, this day that is supposed to be about me, is that I am who I am because of so many others in my life.

My husband - without who, I would not be a mother. Matthew you have given me 3 of the greatest gifts I could ever ask for. Motherhood is crazy busy, tiring, and sometimes hard to understand. But it is exactly what I love. Exactly what I want to be doing. Exactly what makes me happy, fulfilled, and complete. So I thank you for making it all possible. For working so hard so that I can stay home with our kids. And for always helping, being a "hands on" Daddy, and showing your love unabashedly.

My children - Again, without who, I would not be a mother. Megan, Molly, and Wyatt - you are 3 of the greatest gifts, more than I could ever ask for, more than I could ever dream of, all I could ever want. Everyday you fill my heart again and again with love and laughter, awe and wonder. How did I get so lucky as to have you to call MINE? What have I done to be so blessed? You are all happy, healthy, independent little loves and you make me proud everyday. This being only my 4th Mother's Day, I am sometimes all to aware of the years that still lie ahead. And I am overwhelmed with the desire to slow everything down and speed everything up at the same time. I can't wait to share and grow, teach and learn, watch and experience our life into memories. You 3 have made your Daddy and I a FAMILY. And there really isn't anything else in the world I wanted more than to be a Mommy and have a family. So I thank you for making my dreams come true. I love you more than I will ever be able to express, say, show or tell.

My mother - who has taught me by example the kind of woman, wife and mother I want to be. Mom, I know you know that I love you. But I really would not be able to be the mom I am without you in my life. You give so much of yourself to everyone else. Especially your family. And we are all better for it. I can't think of a time that I have asked for your help or advice and you have not been there for me, going above and beyond the call of duty. If I need a babysitter, if I need to know how long or how hot to cook something, if my baby is crying and I can't figure out why, if I have had a hard day and need encouragement, if I want to whine - or if I want to share my excitement...I always know I can call you and you will be there for me with answers and moral support. Having this foundation, this safety net, this reassurance, this friendship is such an amazing thing. I hope to be all of these things and more for you as we face this next saga together. I have faith that God will carry you through the surgery, recovery and chemo with flying colors. You are not your boobs. You are not your hair. You are your family. And we couldn't love you more. You are one of the strongest, most faithful people I know and we can't wait to make this easier for you.

My Gramma - my other Mom, who is loyal to a fault and loves her family more than herself. Gramma you have taught me about simplicity, frugality and the power of a dollar. You can make dinner out of nothing - and it will taste great! You always have time for me and my children. Never tire of reading them books, answering their questions or brushing their hair. When I worry about how to entertain them, you can make a whole morning out of taking out the trash, folding the socks and washcloths, and rolling pennies. Who needs toys when GG is around?! You let my girls play tea party with your fine china and drink juice from your stemmed glasses. They go to sleep for you better than they do for me - and when I return, they don't want you to go. I could not be the mom I am without all your help. And my children are better because of all your love!

My mother in law - who raised a son, by herself, and has taught me about perseverance and commitment. Janis, you have not had an easy life. But you have always made the best of what you had. And you have always made sure your son knew that he was loved and supported and that family came first. For that, I thank you. Because you raised the most loving friend, husband, and father. I am so lucky to have him - and you in my life. These past few months you have faced times when even the best of us might have thrown in the towel. But you didn't. In the beginning I didn't really understand why. But now I do, and I respect you for sticking to it. For knowing that where you want to be isn't always easy to get to -but it is worth the work and sacrifice. This spirit of perseverance is in your son too, and I love that about him. Thank you for always making my children feel over the top special and important.

My girlfriends - who teach me everyday that life is bigger than me, but with each other to lean on, we can make it thru anything. What haven't we faced in the past few years? Health scares with our children, our parents, each other, death, issues of faith, marriages, births, divorce, buying houses, selling houses, making HOMES. I am so blessed to have each of you in my life. On a daily basis you inspire me, encourage me, help me, mold me, teach me, support me, and make me be a better me. A better mom, a better wife, a better woman, a better friend. I look to all of you for help and guidance and you do not disappoint.

I love each and everyone of you. Thank you for you, and who you are in my life!